Hollywood helps fight terrorism

Emmys: More painful than entertaining
Awards show to used by CIA as form of torture

Readers of Paulies Point learned a long time ago that I rarely comment on matters regarding pop-culture. Once NBC took Cheers off the air and Pearl Jam became more interested in promoting Al-Jezera than making music, I realized that news; sports and episodes of Family Guy would be the extent of my television viewing. However on Sunday night something happened that was so disturbing, so vile, it made me question if mankind should even exist.

I was flipping the channels, still cursing out my Chicago Bears for blowing another 4Th quarter lead, when I came upon a sight and sound which will haunt me to my dying day. Singer Josh Groban was using his beautiful vocals, a wonderful gift from God to sing television theme songs. What kind of a sick, twisted, deranged individual could have such a horrific idea?

The smart thing to do would have been for me to change the channel and watch the Dallas/Green Bay game. But no. I was unable to remove myself from the debacle that was unfolding on the television screen.

"Monday...Tuesday...Happy Days," came from voice of Groban. His operatic voice recited the words to 'Cops' and of course who will ever forget the cries of terror heard all over America as Groban went into Hip-Hop mode and rapped the lyrics to 'The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.' The worst moment may have been the realization that the theme song to 'Baywatch' had words. I could have sworn that song was an instrumental written to enhance the pleasure of watching Pamela Anderson run. Thanks for ruining that for me.

If Josh Groban doesn't murder his agent, I assure you my mother will. My father says she is still huddled in a corner clutching his debut CD crying "why Josh, why."

If there is anything that can be salvaged from a program that can only be described as a complete disaster, is the announcement that came from CIA Headquarters Monday morning.

It appears that our military has been trying to put together a video that is extremely horrifying to watch. While there has been success showing reruns of "The View" as well as anything featuring Keith Olbermann, terrorists held at Guantanamo Bay have built up a tolerance to those media spectacles. Military experts believe there is no way that a prisoner would be able to handle more than a few minutes of this year's Emmy Awards and will happily hand over crucial information that will keep America safe in exchange for turning the TV off.

I'm sure Hollywood will be happy to learn they have contributed greatly to fighting the war on terror and creating a valuable tool to be used as a torture device.

Paulie